


I'm Going With The Quickening Hues

by midnightoasis



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: AU, Also Archie and Big G, F/M, Mentions of Chloe again, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 16:05:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1134713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightoasis/pseuds/midnightoasis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dear heavenly Father," he whispers. "Um, no. That's not right. Our Father-" he clears his throat and curses silently, tears threatening to spill. "Look, God. I- I know I've never prayed to you or whatever, and I don't exactly believe in you but Rae... If you could just-" Finn feels himself start to lose control, this little panicked feeling in his chest. It's like he can't even stop himself from what he says next. "I love her. Please, please don't take her away from me. Don't take Rae like you took my Nan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Going With The Quickening Hues

**Author's Note:**

> "mallyallyandra asked: How about an au... Finn is there on the bridge when Rae gets hit by the car... he's walking to try sort himself out n he sees her get hit n I dunno u choose :)"
> 
> Hi, again! So I asked for a prompt and the lovely mallyallyandra replied with this great idea so I wanted to thank her for it.  
> Also, this is unbeta'd and any typos or errors are completely my fault and I apologize in advance if there are any (there might be).  
> Also, this is a work of fiction, I don't own the characters or anything like that so on that note, enjoy! :)

They say everything happens for a reason. They say that lives are connected by some sort of magical force that can not be explained. Finn used to think it was a load of fucking shit.

  
His mum always used to say that he wasn't much of a believer of anything and if you were to ask him, he would agree. He's not religious; doesn't pray to a divine being three times a day. He believes if you want something bad enough, you've got to get out there and do something about it and if it wasn't meant to be, then you just let it go.  
But as of late, he's been on the edge of getting down on his knees and looking up to the (supposed) heavens above and asking for a little help. After his Nan's passing and this whole thing with Rae (but it's not actually a _thing_ , he realizes, it was just him being a jealous twat), he can feel himself slipping down into a stupor he doesn't think he'll get out of.

  
He thought the rave would help ease his mind and the tension in his neck. He even thought that maybe being with Rae would solve 99.9% of his problems but the night hadn't turned out the way he wanted it to. His original plan was to snatch her up at the beginning of the rave and dance with her until they were breathless and sweating, their sticky bodies moving together to the banging beats of Shaggy. But after she took a pill, he couldn't find her for a long while. So he made his way to the bar first and downed at least three shots of who knows what. After that, everything became a whirlwind of neon lights and flailing limbs, that of his and everyone else's. The part he remembers the most, though, is when Rae kissed Archie. _That_ part is still vibrant as ever, like it's still happening. He remembers how his skin crawled and how all he could see was _redredred_ everywhere he looked; how his hands shook. He saw fire.

  
(And then he did something stupid. Something he doesn't even want to admit to himself. So he buries it in the back of his mind, locks it up in a vault with things like dying puppies and his Nan on her death bed. Things he never wants to think about.)

  
Today, he thought he and Rae could talk; sneak in a couple of questions at the debrief of how her night went, maybe get her to spill the beans on what happened with Archie (because he's a fucking masochist, apparently). But after Rae leaves the chip shop and he's left there with Chloe who's giving him these looks that make him want to hide his face in the sand, he makes up an excuse. Something about meeting his parents for a late lunch. He knows it's shit and he feels horrible about it but he needs to clear his head, to make sense of everything that's happening to him.

  
He leaves her a note for the meals they ordered and hesitates before patting her on the shoulder. As he leaves, he dares a look back and feels worse as he watches Chloe push around the food on the plate in front of her with a fork, her bottom lip jutting out in the saddest way. He ducks his head and swings the door open, braving the slight chill that runs down his spine.

  
-

  
He goes for a walk, aimlessly; without direction. He sees signs and buildings but he doesn't _see_ them. It's like he's in a haze and all that he can think about is Rae. Her porcelain skin, the way her hair flows like silk down over her shoulders, the pretty way she smiles when she hears a song she likes (with the exception of _Spaceman_ but she smiles because it's ridiculous and stupid in a way that makes her laugh). _God_ he was becoming a mess. And it wasn't like he could do anything about it either. Rae and Archie are probably a thing and Finn will have missed his chance. He tries desperately not to think of the things they would do, how Archie would touch her in a specific way that would make her moan. He tries not to imagine how good Archie would make her feel, like she was flying. He doesn't even try not to wish that it was him, though, because he does. Fuck, what was his life coming to?

  
He decides to bring himself back to reality, focuses on the names of streets, on where he's going. There's a point where he looks up at the sky and doesn't even look down for a whole ten minutes. He gets out a cigarette from the pack on the inside of his jacket, lights it with shaking hands, and inhales. His mind goes relaxed for a bit and his hands aren't trembling. He exhales a sigh of relief.

  
After a few puffs, he looks back up to the sky and starts to follow the clouds. The wind has picked up and they're moving fast. He doesn't know why, he just feels like he should. He finds himself on a bridge, having tossed his cig a while ago, his hands start to shake again. He can't seem to calm his fucking nerves today and it's turning him into a giant wreck.

  
He runs his hands through his hair, pulls at it a bit so it hurts. "Get your shit together, you fuck." he hisses to himself. He closes his eyes and wonders why everything has to be so hard all the time. It used to be so easy, he thinks.

  
When he opens them again, he sees someone standing on the oppsite side of the road. They're watching the cars underneath the bridge race by and he's too far away to see who it is but they're just standing there, unmoving as if they were a statue. He walks a little faster, a feeling tugging in his gut. As he get's a little closer, and as the person starts off towards the other side of the bridge and onto the road, he can make out the general shape of the person and realizes with a terrifying jolt that it's Rae. He calls out to her, his voice shaking.

  
"Rae!" nothing. His heart leaps up to his throat when a car whirs past him at the speed of fucking sound. He knows she doesn't see it so he starts to run, to try and save her, but he's not fast enough. It's like in those movies, where something tragic is happening but everything is in slow motion and you can't do anything to stop it.

  
It hits her with a loud bang, like thunder clapping and Finn drops to his knees, his chest feeling like all his air supply has just been sucked out of him. Tears well up in his eyes and he calls out again, "Rae!" as he picks himself up off the ground with all the might he can muster.

  
He runs as fast as his legs will take him. His hands ball up into fists, his fingernails digging into the skin of his palm.

  
He reaches her and she lays stills on the concrete, blood as red as roses pooling at her head. He kneels down, his legs trembling, and places her head in his lap. He tries to wake her up by shaking her shoulder, nudging her arm. He calls her name again, and again, and again before the driver of the vehicle comes out of the car, his hands on his head in disbelief. He rushes over to them and Finn doesn't realize it's Big G until he speaks.

  
"Oh my god," he studders. "I- fuck, I'm sorry!"

  
"The fuck you think that'll do you fucking twat?!" Finn strokes Rae's cheek with his knuckle and this time, her eyes flutter open, her beautiful, gorgeous eyes _finally_ open and Finn smiles. He pushes some air off of her forehead, says, "Rae- Rae, talk to me. You alright?"

  
She doesn't answer him, her eyes slip back closed again and she goes limp. Finn curses.

  
"Do you want me to call A and E?" Big G says nervously. "Fuck, what are we gonna do?!"

  
"Yeah, call 'em." Finn says and it's all he can do not to beat the ever loving shit out of the fucking prick. "We have to get her to the hospital, quick."

  
-

  
When they arrive at the hospital, the nurses say that he and Big G aren't allowed in just yet. He's fine with Big G not being let in but he sort of throws a little fit when they stop him.  
"Are you joking?" he asks, incredulous. He tries again but the nurse just holds out her hand, her expression dead serious. "I'm sorry," she says (though she doesn't sound it). "You'll have to wait a few minutes, sir."

  
He scoffs and walks off into the waiting room, Big G hot on his trail.

  
"Look, I really am sorry. I-"

"Shut the fuck up." Finn growls. He turns around and Big G's taken a step back, his eyes wide. Finn grabs him by the collar of his shirt, drags him outside and slams him against the wall of A&E. He finds he likes the way Big G looks scared. It fuels his next action. He punches the wall dangerously close to Big G's head, pain shooting from his knuckles up to his elbow. He fights the urge to curse and looks at him with a glare he knows he's used before. "Do you reckon I can get away with beating the shit out of you?" he doesn't even know where this is coming from, to be honest, but Big G's had this coming for a long time now. He just wishes he hadn't waited until Rae was in the hospital to do it.

  
"I- I reckon you could." Big G studders, flinching as Finn gets in his face. "I wouldn't tell anyone- I deserve it!"

"You're fucking right you deserve it, you fucking peice of shit!" he spits out. His nostrils flare and the throbbing in his hand becomes unbearable. Big G starts saying things Finn doesn't understand, like he's speaking gibberish. Finn huffs out a breath, steps back and says, "You're not even worth it."

  
Big G scrambles to get up off the wall. Once he does, he runs straight out of Finn's sight. He looks down at his hand and sees that it's busted, bruising a deep purple. He stretches it out, wincing at the pain, each movement feels like a new wound. He holds it to his chest so it doesn't hit anything as he walks, cradling it gently (and later, when they're talking about it, they'll laugh about how Finn is always hurting his hands protecting Rae. He doesn't mind).

  
-

  
See, the thing is-

The thing _is_ is that Finn doesn't believe in a god. He doesn't pray or light scented candles and get down on his knees. He doesn't even go to church.

  
But Rae is lying in a hospital bed with tubes in her nose, gauze wrapped around her head, and her breath coming in shallow. He figures now is a good a time as any to start. So with a shaky breath, he puts his elbows on his knees, touches his hands together, careful not to press too hard. He's seen his mum pray before so he hopes he's got this part right.

  
He doesn't even know how this works. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to remember how his mum does it.

  
"Dear heavenly Father," he whispers. "Um, no. That's not right. Our Father-" he clears his throat and curses silently, tears threatening to spill. "Look, God. I- I know I've never prayed to you or whatever, and I don't exactly believe in you but Rae... If you could just-" Finn feels himself start to lose control, this little panicked feeling in his chest. It's like he can't even stop himself from what he says next. "I love her. Please, _please_ don't take her away from me. Don't take Rae like you took my Nan."

  
He looks up at the ceiling, like maybe he'd see some sort of sign, indicating that God's heard him. There's nothing. Just a single floresent light showering them in gold. Finn sighs, drops his head into his hands.

  
He sinks back into chair, watches the heart monitor with heavy eyes. Before long, he falls asleep to the beeping of the machine.

  
When he wakes up, it's to the noise of someone shifting next to him and it's the greatest fucking noise he's heard in all his life. He snaps his head up and finds that Rae is looking at him, this cute little confused expression on her face.

  
"Finn?" she asks, her voice like gravel. She sounds like she hasn't used it in years. "What are you doing here?"

  
"Rae," he smiles, tears rolling down his cheeks. He wipes them away and goes to grab her hand but settles for placing it on her arm, his thumb rubbing slow circles. "Hey- Hi. How're you feeling?"

  
"Like someone ran me over," she says, then, "Oh, wait." and tries to crack a smile but winces at the movement.

  
He laughes dryly and then waits a beat. He needs to ask. "Rae, what were you doing on the bridge? I mean, like, what were you thinking?"

  
She blanches at the question, pulls her arm away from him. Taking a steady breath, she says, "Nothing, just- I needed to think about some stuff, I guess."

  
He knows she's lying, can see it in the set of her mouth, the way she pulls in her lips and doesn't look him in the eye. But he'll leave it because he doesn't want to make her say anything she doesn't want to. He nods and gives her a small smile, looking at her through his eyelashes.

  
Her lips twitch into a sort of half smile and then she looks down at his hand. Her eyes widen a fraction and she says, "What happened to your hand?"

  
"Ah- I sort of punched a wall," he grimaces then drops his gaze, looks off into the window, the sky a brilliant blue. He watches a bird fly off into the distance before looking back at her. "Big G was the one who hit you."

  
Her eyes soften a bit at that and then she's reaching for his hand, her fingers carefully running along the bruises. _It doesn't hurt_ he wants to say, because it doesn't. When Rae touches it it almost feels alright. Her fingertip grazes the small cut near his middle knuckle and he gasps without meaning to. Rae snatches her hand back to her side and mumbles an apology.

  
"S'alright." he says, because it is. He wishes she hadn't taken her hand away. He figures he should probably leave. Archie should be here instead of him. "Listen, I'll call Archie, yeah? Should let him know what happened and everything."

  
Rae looks up, puzzled. "Why would you call Archie?"

  
Finn cocks an eyebrow at her. "He's your boyfriend, isn't he? Why wouldn't you call him?"

  
He knows that sounded a little rude but he can't stay here like this and pretend he's not torn up about it. Better to get Archie here as fast as possible. Maybe she'd feel better.

  
"Archie's not my boyfriend, Finn." she shakes her head at him but immediately regrets the motion. She scrunches up her face and says, "Why would you think that?"

  
"Because you- I saw you kiss last night. At the rave?" his eyebrows furrow and his face must look ridiculous because she laughs. Well, as much as she can laugh without hurting herself. "Oi, what's that for you knobhead?"

  
"Finn, that was a friendly kiss!" she's got this grin on her face that makes Finn's stomach feel funny. "I don't think of Archie like that."

  
And he feels like the biggest knob in the entire world. Bigger even than Big G. Okay, maybe not Big G but he feels pretty fucking bad right now. Last night, somewhere between his sixth and tenth shot, he kissed Chloe. Not because he wanted to, but because (again) he was a jealous twat and jumped to conclusions so fast, his head spun.

  
"Rae, I have to tell you something." he takes a deep breath. "Look, I- I don't know how to say this but, I-" he puffs out his cheeks and cusses. He looks up at her and she's looking at him and there's something in her eyes, maybe it's the drugs they injected her with or maybe that's just Rae but he finds courage in them and he stands up out of his chair, cups her face in his hand and touches their foreheads together.

  
"Finn what're you-"

  
"Just- stop talking, please? If I don't do this now, I don't think I'll have the courage to do it again." he whispers. Slowly, he presses his lips to hers and sighs into her mouth, all tension gone. She tastes like blood and medicine and also _Rae_. This sweetness on his tongue that is so definitely her. He can feel her smile under him and he breaks the kiss for air.

  
She opens her eyes and Finn sees the words before she says them.

-

  
They say everything happens for a reason. They say that lives are connected by some sort of magical force that can not be explained. Finn used to think it was a load of fucking shit.

  
Until he didn't.

 

 


End file.
